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OFFICIAL ACCOUNT OF THE NOBLE LORD’s BITE, &c &c.
Reports of the most exaggerated nature having gone abroad respecting the accident, which is likely to deprive this country of the services of a certain N—e L—d, it is necessary, in order to calm universal alarm, that the public should have every suitable information: attention will, therefore, be paid to the following:— The newspapers say that his L—p was bitten in the hand by a favourite dog of her Ladyship’s, whilst playing with it at his country seat. A more probable report attributed it to his L—p’s Dog G—ff—rd, an animal kept at the Custom House in Dublin, and thoroughly known there for barking and sneaking. Again it was rumoured, that a dog had not bitten the N—e L—d; but that the N—e L—d had bitten an unfortunate dog, which immediately escaped, and the most fatal consequences were apprehended. All these accounts are mistaken. The accident happened at his Lordship’s town house, at a time when he was in full health and spirits, in the following manner: On the day before the family were going into the country and busily packing up, his L—p was unsuspectingly amusing himself in the house. Several of his servants were absent, by permission, or the fatal effects, now likely to ensue, might have been [page 4] prevented. They had often warned him that there was a strange animal about the premises; the N—e L—d gave no heed to the caution, and was wholly off his guard when he was ran at furiously, and his L—p wounded in an instant. From the simple bite of an ordinary house-dog little is to be feared; but in this case there is the utmost danger. The animal who inflicted the wound is of the old Bull breed, and is called Honesty. It is supposed to have entered the house with Sir F—s B—d—t and his friends. His Lordship was much worried. The usual means were immediately tried to relieve him from the torture,—with how little advantage is already known. It became necessary to remove him with the utmost speed, as it was not ascertained what effect the virus would have on his system. He most unexpectedly desired to be sent to the Magdalen. Mr. C—nn—g affectionately inquired, why there? “It is established for the reception of reformed prostitutes!” answered his Lordship. From this moment all hope of his having escaped the venom was abandoned. Doctor R—yn—ds, from under whose hands Dr. W—ts—n miraculously recovered, was now sent for. When he entered the room with Dr. Ol—v—r, who arrived about the same time, the Noble Lord went into strong convulsions. Dr. R—yn—ds, having ordered a plaster of salt and gunpowder to be applied to the lacerated flesh, consulted with his brother Ol—v—r in an adjoining room. The Doctors, on their return, pronounced his Lordship past their art, and withdrew. Mr. C—nn—g sent for Lord E—d—n, Lord S—dm—h, Mr. V—tt—t, Mr. Orange P—l, Mr. [page 5] W—b—f—e, and the R—rd—r of L—nd—n, who all arrived in less than half an hour. The Noble Lord’s head was quite gone. He expressed no pleasure when they entered the room. Mr. C—k—r came of himself, and opening the Quarterly Review at the article, entitled the Rise and Progress of Popular Disaffection, put it into his noble countryman’s hand. His Lordship cried Pish! and flung it at the Secretary’s head, who hastily retired to condole with Mr. G—ff—d and his friend Mr. M—rr—y, the Publisher. It was thought proper to administer something; but the Noble Patriot refused to swallow any thing his friends offered—repeatedly desiring to see Sir F—s B—d—tt and Mr. B—gh—m in private. This was treated as the effect of light-headedness. His earnestness increased, and at last he said he would take the responsibility of sending for them on himself. The official personages, accustomed to this phrase in a parliamentary sense, smiled. The Noble Lord became obstinate and attempted to leave them; he was overpowered and secured. It is understood that the following unlooked for circumstances then occurred. They will be perused with extraordinary interest by all patient readers. The Ch—r of the Ex—r, when he entered the Noble Lord’s room, held in his right hand the reformed book of psalms, prepared by the Lord Mayor’s Chaplain for his Malling parishioners, which they refused to sing. He was gently walking up to propose one of these to the Noble Lord, when in the act of stooping, two goodly sized volumes fell from Mr. Van’s bosom; the first consisted of Plans for extending the number of Bible Societies and Encreasing [sic] [page 6] the Consumption of Spirituous Liquors; the other volume contained various Anti-Reform Pamphlets, some modern Sermons on Passive Obedience, and Plans for Lotteries every Month, to be drawn daily throughout the Year, (Lent time and Sundays, and the 30th of January excepted). Before Mr. Van could replace his books, the Noble Lord rose from his chair, and assuming a parliamentary air, pulled an Irish newspaper, printed in 1790, from his pocket, and moved that the title of the said paper and certain extracts therefrom should be read. His Lordship thrust the reading of it upon Mr. W—b—f—e, who read the title as follows:— “The Belfast News-Letter, June the 4th.” “God save the King,” said Mr. C—nn—g; Ministers looked at each other and cried, “Amen!” – “Go on,” said the Noble Lord. Mr. W—b—f—e proceeded to read from the Belfast News-Letter, as follows:
Mr. Orange P—l interrupted Mr. W—b—f—e. He protested against reading the TEST. He thought such reading might be taken as in the nature of administering an unlawful oath. Mr. C—nn—g rose to order. He was afraid the Honourable Member, much as he respected him, was liable to a preminure for barely supposing that His [page 7] Majesty’s Ministers could either be united men, or do any thing illegal. The Noble Lord had taken the TEST. What then? He had no objection to take it perhaps, if it even embraced high treason and cotton twist!—(Loud and long continued cheering.)—But what did his L—p do? It was well known there were certain oaths administered in Ireland, which, being kept, hanged the persons who took them; whereas those who perjured themselves made their fortunes by their loyalty. He dared any body to say, that his L—p had either perjured himself, or would be hanged; but his L—p’s loyalty was undoubted; and as all present were friends, he would not interrupt the amiable member whilst reading the paper, which he was sorry to see in his hands. Mr. W—b—f—e then read from the Belfast News-Letter THE TEST.
(Signed) Edward Ward. Robert Stewart.”
The reading of the TEST had a visible effect upon the Noble Lord’s feelings. A recollection of former times came over him. He frequently interrupted Mr. W—b—f—e, by crying out, “I’m a Whig!—I’m a [page 8] Whig!” When the TEST was concluded, his Lordship’s friends groaned, and Mr. W—b—f—e read again, from the same paper, the following:— UNITED MENS’ DECLARATION.
(Signed) Edward Ward. Robert Stewart.”
“I say again that’s me,” exclaimed the Noble L—d. The company again groaned, and Mr. P—l in answer to His Lordship, said, “I am sorry for it.” “Sorry!” vociferated the Noble Lord? “Hang care, and drive away sorrow. I’ll sing you one of our songs at the Dinners of the Whig Club in Dublin, when I was Chairman.” His Lordship accordingly sung with great animation:—
L—d S—th was evidently alarmed by the merriment of his colleague, who, being exhausted by the effort, sat down. Mr. Orange P—l enquired the object of causing this extraordinary paper to be read? Had the Noble Lord any thing to propose? The Noble L—d, recovering his wonted gravity, said, the TEST was proposed to me. “I, and my colleague subscribed it, and we became United-men, and issued our Declaration for the Emancipation of Ireland. I therefore move, that the printed paper, containing the same, which is in every respect true, be declared a blasphemous, scandalous, and seditious LIBEL; and that the Att—y G—l do file ex-officio informations against the publisher thereof, [page 9] and that all persons reading the same be declared traitors.” Mr. W—b—f—e thought there would be the appearance of some inconsistency, both in proposing and agreeing to such a motion. Mr. C—nn—g said, the Hon. Member who spoke last was not warranted in exclaiming against inconsistency; an imputation, which, when attributed to His Majesty’s Servants, God knows, they thoroughly despised. They laughed at the charge as often as it was brought forward. Why was not the charge put in the shape of an impeachment? Ministers knew how a motion for impeachment would be received by the House. They avowed their responsibility. Petitions for Reform and threats of impeachment were alike objects of their mirth. Mr. W—b—f—e disclaimed all intention of bringing a charge of inconsistency against Ministers. He himself, subject as he was to infirmity, would neither prefer or support such charge; it would be inconsistent in him to do so, and would sit heavy on his conscience as often as he had the honour of sitting in the great council of the nation. With respect to Parliamentary Reform—a subject on which he did not mean to touch when he first rose, but which was now forced upon him, he would openly express his sentiments by saying, that he should feel it his duty to take the sense of his constituents at Bramber, upon that most important topic, and would pledge himself to abide by their instructions. There was a time, when in his conscience, (as member for Yorkshire), he believed, it would not have been prudent in him to pursue such a course. He could do so now, and he was thankful that circumstances, in their nature afflicting, had rendered it safe and agreeable to him.—(Hear, hear.)—He intreated [sic] pardon for the digression.—(Hear.)—He hoped nothing further would be said respecting inconsistency in any quarter. He had merely meant, that the N—e L—d’s motion for ex-officio informations, appeared to him inconvenient for gentlemen to entertain, considering how little good was derived from the trial of such infor- [page 10] mations. He was friendly to a middle course, and would move as an amendment, that it would not be false to declare, the Noble Lord and his colleague had taken the TEST in Ireland, and become United-men; but that to say the N—e L—d had done so, would be scandalous and seditious, and tend to bring into disrepute his Lordship’s administration in this happy land. Mr. V—tt—t fully agreed with his excellent friend the last speaker; but, nevertheless, felt himself bound to support the N—e L—d. Mr. Orange P—l said, he was sorry to prevent an immediate decision; but as there was no real opposition, he would ask the Right. Hon. Gentleman who spoke last, whether he felt inclined to resign his situation as Chancellor of the Exchequer. He was the more anxious for a direct answer, because he (Mr. P—l) was quite ready to step into the office. Mr. V—tt—t, (in great agitation) declared he was wholly unprepared for the question, which he was free to say he did not like. He could not help having strange suspicions. He would ask his colleagues whether they knew or heard of this matter before. –(A pause, and no answer.)—He was absolutely thunderstruck at this want of confidence. He asked again.—(A similar pause.)—He saw they were just as much agreed upon suspending him as suspending the Habeas Corpus Act; but he would not be suspended—at least by them. He would resign directly; and he accordingly gave notice, that he should from henceforward oppose all lotteries and dram shops as immoral. Mr. W—b—f—e, (greatly alarmed at the state of Mr. Van’s mind) rose and said, his wish was to preserve harmony amongst his Majesty’s confidential servants.—(Cries of impossible.)—He was not to be deterred from attempting what was so desirable.—(Increased cries.)—He would not make a speech. He deplored the condition of the Noble Lord, who had created Union in a sister country, and he fondly hoped had been ordained to preserve it here, lamentable as was his Lordship’s present infirmity. [page 11] The Hon. Member was proceeding, when the Noble Lord suddenly rose in a paroxysm, and to the astonishment of all present, with a loud voice, looking at each occasionally, but particularly at Mr. C—nn—g, he sung with great emotion “Ye scamps, ye pads, ye divers, His L—p evidently relieved by having thus given vent to his feelings, at the expence of his colleagues, placidly sunk into his arm chair. Lord S—dm—h perceiving the tranquillising effect of this song, immediately volunteered to follow it, and began “I am an old maiden, by virgins despised.” The Noble Secretary then called on Mr. V—t—t—r, who sung, “Now’s the time to change our clime, The Ch—r of the Ex—r caught the eye of the Lord Ch—r, who protested he had never sung in his life. It was an employment for which he was not fitted. He once said, and he repeated, that he would not give five shillings to hear Catalani sing—he had music enough at home. The gifts which he enjoyed were few. He now and then hummed a little, but the power of singing, he protested, was one he did not possess. In speaking of his gifts, he did not allude to his political influence, or his patronage in the church. If I am called on, (here the Ch—r, shewed greater emotion) I will endeavour, with due assistance, (his voice faltered still more) to attempt something, but I doubt (his Lordship put his hand to his heart and wept,) that is, I affirm and believe, as I shall answer to my own conscience and the Prince Regent, that this will not end here! The L—d Ch—r, then in deep bass, with a solemn tone, sung as follows:—
The C—r’s song was given in a style of gravity eminently befitting his dignified station. Towards the conclusion, he pulled his white handkerchief from his pocket and wept copiously. The applauses of his friends encreased his distress. At length he recovered himself sufficiently to call on Mr. Orange P—l, first reminding him, that he should sing or say nothing to injure the nice feelings of the Noble L—d, whose low spirits they were thus endeavouring to cheer. Mr. Orange P—l turned his back to Mr. V—tt—t, and sung a new garland, entitled, “The Crafty London Prentice; or Bow Bells.” The Noble Lord’s agitation was evidently much soothed by Mr. Orange P—l’s voice and ditty, for he called on him to sing an Irish Song. Mr. Orange P—l immediately sung:
His Lordship highly enjoyed this Song,* which consisted of several verses; but his friends thought it improper he should be so humoured; and Mr. P—l called on Mr. C—nn—g, who walked up to the Noble L—d as he lay upon the couch, and sitting beside him, endeavoured to recollect what he could sing as a solemn farewell, which should commemorate the Duel they fought. [page 13] In less than twenty minutes, Mr. C—nn—g sung with great feeling “There was two Tom Cats on a wall.” The R—rd—r being called upon by Mr. C—nn—g remained silent and diffident. Mr. C—nn—g walked up to him and asked how he had fared lately. He said, poorly—and was about to explain; but Mr. C—nn—g entreating him to be as merry as he was wise, and oblige the company: the Worshipful and Learned Gentleman, in a firm and determined voice, sung,— “The Night before Larry was stretch’d.” Mr. R—rd—r called on Mr. W—b—f—e, who hoped that the venerable and venerated individual,
[page 14] and his noble and worthy friends, would excuse him. He had never exercised his voice in that way, though it was not for him to blame those who did. They were respectable and respected, and he was sure would indulge him, in his humble desire to be silent. This address heightened the general desire to hear Mr. W—b—f—e, who, after much entreaty, chaunted most melodiously— “Death and the Lady.” The Noble Lord had fallen asleep during Mr. W—b—f—e's ballad. He awoke just as it was finished, and vociferated, with all his strength, that his friends were rascals, and desired they might be sent to the Peniteniary at Millibank. They laughed. The Noble Lord’s delusion encreased. He seized several books from the table and threw them with great force. Mr. C—nn—g, just as he was preparing to speak, was hit on the teeth with his own Parody on the Te Deum; Mr. V—tt—t received a dreadful blow from the Calculations on the Sinking Fund, it is feared his scull [sic] is fractured; Mr. W—b—f—e was knocked down by a book lettered Vital on the back; Lord S—dm—h dropped under the Dissenter’s Bill, which, in passing, brushed against the Ch—r; Mr. P—l received a stunning blow from an Orange; and the R—dr—r received the Case of Elizabeth Fenning full in the face, and was carried off helpless by the Ordinary. Scarcely two hours had elapsed from the time of the Noble Lord’s attack, until he assailed his colleagues. As soon as they could re-assemble, a C—b—t C—c—l was held at L—d S—dm—h’s Office, at which it is understood to have been determined, that as this event threatened the Ministry with dissolution, it was necessary, for their preservation, that the country should be put into a proper state of alarm. The Mails were accordingly detained nearly forty minutes beyond their usual hour of starting, in order to receive the following [page 15] BULLETIN.
It was next recommended to the printers to take all the pulls off their printing presses and put them in the custody of the Police Magistrates, and that centries should be placed at the doors of the respective printing offices. The guards were marched to the Bank, and those in the Tower were drilled. The toll on the New Strand Bridge was most strictly taken. As apprehensions encreased, it was deemed proper to cover up the Regent’s Bomb, in St. James’s Park, which had hitherto remained exposed: this important service, so deeply interesting to His Royal Highness, was happily effected with the greatest activity, and without accident, by the prompt and extraordinary exertion of the centinals on duty. The fire engines of the different companies were ordered to be in attendance at their several stations, night and day, and the firemen to be in readiness to play in their best white stockings at a few hours notice. Whilst these wise and salutary measures were in progress, the Noble Lord’s existence was evidently drawing nearer to a close. His colleagues think it would be a happy release. On the day of his Lordship’s decease, the whiskey shops in St. Giles’s will not be allowed to serve more than double the quantity of spirits they usually sell on Saturday night. Orders are already issued for the Courier to go into mourning forthwith. Preparations are making to illuminate all over London; and Ministers are preparing to leave town. Irish manufactures have risen Ten per Cent. Black Cloth has fallen Twelve Shillings per Yard. It is impossible to say where all this will end. Finis.
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