People often ask me what is one thing they can do to become a better leader. The advice I offer is fairly easy. However, it is not quite so easy to follow.
My suggestion is to improve your Emotional Intelligence (EQ). It is said that 90% of the difference in effectiveness between star performers and average performers can be explained by emotional intelligence according to Daniel Goleman’s, (1995) book, Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than Intelligence. The good news is that if you really want to improve your emotional intelligence there are actions you can take.
First of all, why would you want to improve your emotional intelligence? Improving EQ not only helps you become a better leader, it also helps you be better at navigating interpersonal differences, build stronger relationships and even deal with change more effectively. Ultimately, strengthening our EQ connects us to more productive reactions to challenging situations.
There are five parts of the emotional intelligence model popularized by Goleman’s book which was built upon research by others (Caruso, Mayer, & Salovey, 2002; Mayer & Salovey, 1997). Those five parts are:
Interpersonal aspects:
1. Self-Awareness: The ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions and drives, as well as their effect on others
2. Self-Regulation: The ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods and the propensity to suspend judgment and think before acting.
3. Motivation: A passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status, and a propensity to pursue goals with energy and persistence.
Intrapersonal aspects:
4. Social-awareness or empathy: The ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people by sensing others’ feelings and perspectives and taking an active interest in their concerns.
5. Social regulation or social skills: A proficiency in managing relationships and building networks while wielding effective tactics for persuasion and listening openly and sending convincing messages.
So where to start? It can be very helpful to take an EQ assessment, but even without that, I recommend starting with either self-awareness or self-regulation. The idea is to start with things within yourself before beginning work on external or intrapersonal parts of EQ. I have seen that by focusing on a very few but vital behavioral changes in yourself, it can have a large impact upon how you show up as a leader. Here are some examples of things you can do to improve in each area:
Improving self-awareness
Practice self-reflection by recognizing your current emotional state – do you experience discreet feelings and emotions? Can you name them?
Once you identify the emotion, describe it aloud or write it down on paper
Feel your emotions physically
To improve your ability to self-assess, ask a family member or trusted advisor to describe your strengths and weaknesses. Compare their perspective with your own self-assessment
Pay attention to your emotions and behaviors and see if you recognize patterns throughout the day
Reflect on the connection between your emotions and your behavior
Know who and what pushes your buttons
Write in a journal about your emotional responses to situations that were significant
Improving self-regulation
Practice self-restraint by listening first, pausing and then responding
When becoming frustrated, identify what brought on that emotion
Create effective responses to stressful situations by finding strategies for altering a negative mood
Discuss ways of dealing with change and stress with family members, friends or a trusted advisor
Focus on events that provide a sense of calm or positive emotions
Ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that can happen?" in order to consider the reality of the situation
Journal occurrences during which you were able to regulate your responses or emotions. How did the ability to self-regulate affect the outcomes and your relationship with others?
Begin regular exercise, yoga or meditation to increase your ability to manage your emotions and relax both body and mind. Exercise regulates your emotions by releasing endorphins, adrenaline, serotonin and dopamine
Get adequate sleep and rest. Without it, even with the best intentions, it is too easy to react in a way that you’ll regret.
The lists may seem long and you have many ideas to select from. I recommend you select the one or two items that you can actually incorporate into your daily routine and which you feel will have the most impact on your ability to be a more effective and productive leader.
And if none of the above suggestions work for you, here are general ways to improve your emotional intelligence:
Improve your non-verbal communication
Focus on the other person
Make eye contact
Pay attention to non-verbal cues
Smile
Use humor and play to deal with challenges
Take hardships in stride
Smooth over differences
Simultaneously relax and energize yourself
Be creative
Resolve conflict positively and in a trust building way
Stay focused in the present
Choose your arguments
Forgive
End conflicts that cannot be resolved
References:
Caruso, D. R., Mayer, J. D., & Salovey, P. (2002). Emotional Intelligence and emotional leadership. In R. Riggio, S. Murphy, & F. J. Pirozolo (Eds.), Multiple Intelligences and Leadership (pp. 55-74). Hillsdale, New Jersey: Lawrence Earlbaum Associates.
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. New York: Bantam Books.
Mayer, J. D., & Salovey, P. (1997). What is Emotional Intelligence? In P. Salovey & D. Sluyter (Eds.), Emotional Development and Emotional Intelligence: Implications for Educators (pp. 3-31). New York Basic Books.