Diagnoses and trends are rampant today, so what does social wellness mean, and how can people beginning a new, independent phase of life achieve it?Being able to form healthy, supportive relationships with others is one of life’s sweetest joys. For teens transitioning to young adulthood, making friends and feeling a sense of belonging are critical needs.
Research shows that creating and maintaining a support system of family and friends can lower stress, make life’s challenges easier to handle, and lower the risk for anxiety, depression and physical illness.
Those are just a few reasons it is important to build positive connections to others, says Angela Stowe, Ph.D., director of Student Counseling Services for the University of Alabama at Birmingham. She and her team guide students through this time of independence and discovery, with consultations, individual and group mental health sessions, prevention and outreach programming, and crisis and emergency support.
“It is hard when we get into adulthood,” Stowe said. “Children have communities already formed, like school and sports teams; but adults are not set up in the same way. We know many of our students are working to develop and navigate friendships, particularly during a declared epidemic of loneliness and social isolation.”
In current students’ lifetimes, “American society has shifted from a play-based childhood to a phone-based childhood,” Stowe said. “While people are still connected, we are not living in the same kind of community anymore, and that has impacted our mental health and changed our whole structure of community.”
We can be in a room with 100 people but be by ourselves, Stowe says.
“Students now go to class and they don’t talk to each other; they are on their laptop or their phone,” Stowe said. “And they are intentionally not connecting with one another, although inside they want desperately to connect to one another.”
What do people need to know about developing a healthy social life?
It is not enough just to go to spaces where people are, Stowe tells the students she counsels.
You must be willing to be uncomfortable and vulnerable, meet people, disclose information about yourself, and get to know them.
Angela Stowe, Ph.D.“And that is scary, because most people think ‘others are going to look at me and think I’m weird’ or ‘they’re not going to like me,’” she said. “Research shows us that is not the case; people often like us more than we assume they do.”
Get started by showing up
Where people really build more lasting friendships are in groups with repeated connection with people, like a book club, a biking group or a writing group where you might not know each other, Stowe says. “But if you go a few times, research will show you already have more fondness toward those people you are just familiar with, even if you have not had a separate conversation, and have more likelihood of developing a friendship.”
Start by showing up and inviting people to study or for coffee to build closeness. Meet somewhere, and if that is a good experience, continue to grow the relationship.
Be vulnerable by sharing something
“By encouraging people and affirming them — meaning when you see the positive in others and you let them know it — that brings fondness to relationships,” Stowe said. “But you must be willing to disclose what you are thinking and feeling and take a risk. We see this with students. If you have anxiety, which a lot of people do, just take steps at exposure to new relationships. A little bit, then a bit more.”
Handling conflict with respect
Managing disagreements with respect and addressing issues directly with people rather than just withdrawing are emotionally mature ways to handle conflict, Stowe says. Counseling or therapy can help. “Speaking with a counselor can help people practice exposure to things that may be difficult to talk about. There are some great resources, from podcasts to books, about how to build these types of skills.”
Care for yourself
Build a strong foundation for emotional growth by caring for yourself.
To read more about this topic, Stowe recommends:
- “Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends” by psychologist Marisa G. Franco Ph.D.
- “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness” by Jonathan Haidt
“Getting enough sleep, eating well and staying active are vital to feeling your best. Simple acts like taking breaks to stretch, going for a walk outdoors or expressing thanks to others can cultivate a more optimistic look and promote well-being.”
Art of all kinds can soothe the soul, offering emotional and cognitive benefits, inspiring creativity, and reducing stress. Being of service strengthens communities by providing support to those in need while fostering connection and empathy. Taking time to unwind allows the brain and body to recharge, reduces stress, boosts mood, and can enhance productivity.
Talk to someone
“There are different reasons people may struggle with relationships, and real and valid reasons someone may have more difficulty,” Stowe said. “But the good news is there are ways to get better and improve.”
While awareness about mental health is greater now than it was 20 years ago, there is still a lot of stigma, Stowe says. Another side of that awareness is that diagnoses can be popularized. Social media has introduced incomplete or inaccurate information and made some diagnoses trendy.
“That can be dangerous for people who really do need support and can create a different kind of stigma,” Stowe said.
Some may still equate mental health concerns to weakness and can be reluctant to ask for help.
“People often believe they should be able to ‘will’ themselves out of depression or anxiety, and that is not usually the case,” Stowe said.
Tookes, who works with SCS, says she sees many students who are afraid to speak up and take part because of the negative stigma attached to discussing mental health. She encourages the students she meets and talks to in the community to use these services.
“There is never a problem too big or too small to receive the resources that Student Counseling Services has to offer,” Tookes said. “Students, don’t be afraid to speak out, and don’t be afraid to seek that help. It is free, so you do not have to worry about it financially. You just have to take the first step to go. It’s a very important conversation.”
Mental health support for students at UAB
Student Counseling Services, free for all UAB students, offers programs that inspire others to prioritize well-being in their own lives and helpful tools that are easy for students to access. Online resources and apps, available on demand, can help students build skills, learn more about themselves, and overcome fears and anxieties that may be holding them back in life. Read more about the resources UAB offers students.