The Antichrist Detector

Robert Collins

BPR 40 | 2013


With the end times right around the corner,
using the FDA-approved Antichrist Detector,
you can be the first one on your block to find
the Beast with this powerful new weapon
in the war between heaven and hell. Plugs
into any standard AC outlet or runs for up
to 11.1 hours on the rechargeable battery.

Available till now only to the Vatican
and elite teams of local law enforcement,
so great has been Beelzebub's deceit,
it goes on sale today to schools and churches
for one day only. Five convenient
payments of $250.00 and free-shipping
anywhere within the lower forty-eight.

No bigger than a cell phone
or TV remote control,
the Antichrist Detector scans
for hidden bar codes in HD.
A red light alerts its owner
if it comes within five football fields
of where the Beast is lurking.

Order now. State taxes added
where required. Not available in Jersey.
Though quantities seem unlimited
right now, we're expecting to sell out
of these at once. The more folks out
there looking for the Antichrist the better.
Void where prohibited by law.

If you should find the Antichrist,
do not accost or try to apprehend him
or draw attention to yourself in any way.
Contact your confessor, get yourself
rebaptized, and call 911 at once.
Contact with the Antichrist
should not be taken lightly.