This month, February 2022, in honor of Valentine's Day and in the spirit of celebrating love, we asked teammates in our department for stories of love in their lives. A few responded and were willing to share their personal tales. Following is a Q&A with PGY1 Falone Amoa, M.D., M.S., Resident Leader in Engagement, a native of Washington, D.C.
How do you define “self love”?
To put it plainly, I define self-love as a deep, sincere admiration and appreciation for oneself. This is the simplistic definition but to me there is nothing simple about the meaning and value of this term.
Why is it important to you?
As a young person, I looked to others for love because I had not yet figured out that no one is capable of providing me the type and amount of love that I should have been providing myself. Self-love is important to me because I am responsible for becoming the best version of myself, which is a version that pours enough love into me. To me, self-love is just one of those things: if you don’t have it, you have nothing at all.
Have you always practiced it? Who taught you to value self-love?
I had to find self-love for myself. It was a very personal, introspective process and once I found it, its value became more clear and significant. I like to talk about self-love as a journey because it isn’t always a straight shot.
Everyone has their own distinct path towards self-love. My journey started at a young age, maybe around age 11 or 12. That was when I first realized that I had low self-esteem. I did not like how I looked, I did not like who I was. and I hated not being the person I wanted to be. Eventually, I began to wonder why I should be disqualified from loving who I was, as I was. I questioned whose image of worthiness I was comparing myself to and why “that person’s” image was more acceptable than my own. Finally, I asked myself why I was convinced that everyone was entitled to loving themselves as they were except me.
Disliking myself became too exhausting and I came to the conclusion that just because I didn’t like certain things about myself didn’t mean that I had to dislike myself as a whole. I became really good at feigning self-confidence and I did it so much that I started to actually feel confident. I realized that the power to become the person I wanted to be and love was in my own hands, not in the hands of others. So I reflected, got to know my true self better, started changing the things I did not like about myself, and made myself appreciate the things I liked about me even more.
What types of self-love tactics or tips do you use/like most?
For me, introspection is an act of self-love. In order to love oneself truly, one must know oneself truly. I spend a lot of time learning to understand myself, why I am the way I am and why I think the way I think. It helps me get to know myself better. I also look at myself in the mirror and appreciate what I love about my appearance. Some who have not had the experiences I've had may mistake this as an act of vanity. Contrarily, it is a way for me to remind myself of the true beauty I have defined for and by myself. This act is a reminder of how far I've come along my journey. I have accepted my own self as the standard of what is beautiful to me.
Lastly, I practice grace. Giving myself grace was one of the most difficult lessons to practice, yet one of the most rewarding. As this is a continued journey, I may waver along the way. Grace allows me to go easy on myself while I find my way back. A certain level of ease and softness with oneself is absolutely clutch.
How do you suggest people who are new to self-love get started?
I think learning about yourself is the most important first step--not the version of yourself you might put on to be loved or accepted by others; that is a figment of insecurity.
Pay close attention to how you truly feel about certain things and when you’re in certain situations. Lean into what you love and release those things that do not serve you. Allow yourself to feel what you feel without judgement or regret. Value your own opinions and actively try to improve yourself in any way you can. Reflect. Self-motivate. Appreciate yourself. Celebrate all your achievements, no matter how big or small. Give yourself credit. Be patient with yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself. Count your blessings. Set reasonable goals for yourself and actively work toward achieving them. Ride harder for yourself than you do for anyone else. And most importantly, BE YOURSELF.